360DigitalInfluence

Years ago, I was one of only two female junior faculty members at a large state university in the South, and often the only female at a given meeting. Invariably, one of the middle-aged white men at the table would look over at me and suggest that I take notes. Although at first I said OK – who can say no to anything during their first few weeks on the job? - pretty quickly it began to irate me (as they said in that part of the south). But I didn’t know what to do.

I debated saying, “You know, I’m junior faculty, not a secretary,” or “I took notes at the last three meetings; who else would like to take a turn?” but feared I’d come off as too uppity. Finally I hit on an idea: I left my pen and notebook back in my office. When the request came, I smiled disarmingly and said, “Oh my goodness, silly me – I didn’t bring pen and paper!” In the silence that followed, I could HEAR them chewing over the alternatives: “This is damned awkward.” “If we ask her to go back to her office and get the pen and paper…” “I could offer to lend her pen and paper but that’s almost worse…” Eventually one of them motioned to one of the others: “Morton, you take notes this time.” BINGO. I never, ever brought a pen and paper to another faculty meeting. [And I never regretted it until (fast forward to my next life) my boss, who I adored, laughed and shook his head as he passed me yet another pen and a sheet of paper and said, "Why don’t you ever have a notebook with you like a normal person?" But that’s another story.]

Why am I telling you this? Because in figuring out how to construct communications that drive behavior it’s important to remember that there’s more than one way to skin a cat.